Bonjours peeps

Weird……….

You lot are really weird – you reckon us dogs are weird………..take a look at you lot??

Let’s go back to the beginning shall we? (What)?

I was outside playing, well annoying the Italians actually – as you do. OK then, I do. Anyway it was getting late and we’d been out for some time when the whistle went off and we all charged back to the house. I digressed as I do to go and investigate something I had picked up and then came the dulcid tones of my owner

“Oh Claudy poos”

“Come here”

“Come on Claude, where’s my little Folle Beau Juex”

I was sick on the yard next to the car, and so would you be as well. Claudy poo’s my derriere
I gave in and ventured back to the house with an empty stomach!!

I went inside to be greeted by the all obeying Spins!! NOT – half of them were still outside, devious dogs they are, but for how long?

The Dearest One gave the ones outside a motivational talk and hey, guess what??

There they all were and looking a little sheepish in a doggy kind of way, but here we all are now………happy as can be!!

I was a mess to say the least, with all the rain we have had and are still having there is loads of mud for me to play in. But being a bit dim at times I forget that playing in the mud leads to me being picked up and dumped in the shower where I am hosed down.

This ritual means I am allowed to spend the evening in the front room – once I’ve dried off a bit.
To pass the time away I spend my time loitering with intent in the kitchen. But there is of course a catch nowadays? They’ve put a gate on and we can’t get in!!!!! Damn and blast I say……..

But in these days of all the humans being totally stupid and needing governmental assistance all the time, it is good to see a Health & Safety policy at work in the home……

Good play on words there don’t you think?? Gosh my Eenglish improves everyday
So the gate allows ‘them’ in and keeps us out. When they cook stuff we can only smell the cooking and wish. The real damage to us all comes when it’s our feeding time?

We can only watch from outside of the gate as our food is prepared in our bowls. But when the gate is opened!!!!!

CHARGE………(cue the music)

Chaos ensues

We are close to starving to death when the food gets put down and of course we eat it like it’s our last meal. Except me?

I eat in a separate room because I do not rush my food, leads to indigestion you know

What’s indigestion??

Then it’s a slurp of water and that feeling of contentment – full stomach and oh oh……?

I need to go outside

“Oi”
“Owner”
“Let me out”

Sometime later……….

“Ooooooooh that’s better”

So I’ve kept clean and it’s cold and miserable and the couch and my toys in the living room are missing me!!

And the fire is on…….I hate that. It’s too damned hot

But there’s always JJ?

I love annoying the hell out of him. If he has a toy, its mine!


If he has the couch, its mine!


If he’s getting some fuss. I get twice as much because I’ve jumped on the Dearest One’s lap, and if JJ did that he would kill her!!

And so the whistle is blown and I’m let back into the house. Quick shake down and all clean (ish)
And now for the front room

“AAArrrggghhhhhh”

“Sacre Bleu”

“What the opposite of heaven is that”?

“It’s terrifying and its broke into our house and no one has noticed”

“And just who the hell do you think you are shorty”?



“Well, well, well…….stopped you in your tracks have I”?

“That disguise doesn’t fool me shortrsss”
“Don’t move”

“You make one move and you’ll be Clauded”

“I warned you, crimson ninja”
“And take that”
“Grrrrr”
“And that”

“AND NOW FOR THE KILLER BLOW”

“Ha Ha Ha……….”

“Call yourself a man”
“Well you messed with Claude Barbet and now you’re half the man.”
“Or, a quarter of the man given your size in the first place”!!

The Crimson Ninja is now The Crimson Ninjaress!!!!!!

Claude Barbet strikes again
Vive le Claude…….
---------------------------------------------------

And now for something completely different!!
(Where’ve you heard that before)?

And this is where this whole thing really confused me?

The Crimson Ninja
The room was different
There was a small toy bearing tree that had sprouted from nowhere
Sparkly things were everywhere
And there were covered things – and one was for me
And somehow, I know not how – I had got something for them – The Italians
This is all very odd………

It was then the Dearest One explained to me that this was your annual Christian Festival for something you call Christmas and The Crimson Ninja was indeed an essential element in these celebrations

“WHOOPS”

“Me thinks I owe him (or her now) an apology”!!

“Oh well, c’est la vie”!!!



But for now it was fun time and to really annoy that JJ Spinone……….

That tree had a fruit growing on it? And naturally I had to have it…….

But I had underestimated JJ……..he had also seen the toy tree and its fruit bearing capabilities,
but I saw it first!! (Childish)

Then a fight ensued


There was only ever going to be ONE winner…………


OR WAS THERE?

And a Happy Ending for these Adventures – for once!!

“But why”? I hear you ask

Well peeps, it’s simple? This is the season of goodwill to all…..er, Dogs and that tree was of course the tree of toys and my mate JJ got one of his own ?

That’s it for this time out and I hope you all had a great Christian Festival………no sorry, I meant a Cool Yule

I did, we did and they all lived happily ever after…………..

Fin

Aù revoir peeps

Stay happy, healthy and wise in 2013

PS: “Sacre Bleu peeps – I nearly forgot”?

I bet you’ve been wondering what happened to the Crimson Ninja? Well of course Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without THE dinner would it. And of course we were no exception and as this was the season of good will I shared mine with JJ………….!!!

“I like Christmas……..especially Roast Ninja”




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