are the adventures of the Starship Barbet to boldly go where
no dog has gone before!!
Slog, Stardate: 02.03.2014
have re-entered orbit around the planet of Francois in Northern
Europe and will shortly be beaming down to the planet’s
surface to explore for more of their precious metal? (Dilithium
Crystals)………..this is the journal of Captain
Slog and his trusty sidekick Anouk Spock.
so to the end of the expedition……..?? We found
what we came here for, Spock and myself with our Dilithium
was an arduous and long journey through space and time but
in the end we successfully got what we went there for. The
illusive Dilithium Crystals and me being the Captain I got
two of them and Spock got just the one!! Sorry, Anouk got
just the one!!
just what led to this expedition and how did we adventure
through space and time to arrive at the above? Well I will
tell you directly from Captain Slog:
left our HQ in Wales aboard the Starship Barbet and travelled
across space at Warp Factor 4……..in your world
that’s about 120kms/hr or about 70mph!! Honest (ish)
knew at some point we would reach deep space and would need
to dock with the Mother Ship to take us onwards towards
has no meaning when you’re sleeping and travelling
through space and for me and Spock it was no different as
we were woken up from a deep sleep when we entered the atmosphere
close to the Mother Ship. From such a long journey it was
obvious that we would need to ensure that our internal contents
were relieved from us and so we went to the Mother Ships
Relief Centre to do our thing, as you do of course!!!
Ship Relief Centre
is in here that we spent some time sniffing around and generally
lifting our leg or squatting and in the latter case this
is what Spock does on her planet. How odd!!!
The ‘but’ to this is that on our planet it had
rained (oh what a surprise) and we got a little muddy!!
and that of course did cause a few issues with the Commander
of the Starship Barbet!!
I don’t think she was too pleased with us……..Que
it was a relief (literally) to be able to get out of the
man made atmosphere of the Starship Barbet and have a stretch
and a walkabout. Incidentally, just in case you’re
wondering? The gravity fields here are the same as Urf?
You don’t just aimlessly float round in a silly suit
saying things like “copy that Houston” or “Set
phasers to stun”
you get the “come on, hurry up and finish, we have
to board the Mother Ship soon”
we closed in on the Mother Ship and we knew we were heading
into space and would have to prepare for time travel.
Shuttles, Shuttling to Enter the Mother Ship
There were several space shuttles waiting to dock with the
Mother Ship and we were one of many that were waiting in
line for the shuttling to the shuttle!! It’s amazing
really to think that here in deep space there are so many
shuttles waiting to warp over to the final frontier…….I
know what you’re thinking here?? This idiot is trying
to make the channel crossing sound like something it isn’t
– well let me tell you urfling, that if I had been
so sensible would you still be reading this??
you think I am mad let me ask you a question??
still reading this……so who is mad now!!!! :)
anyway, you’ve got lots of pictures to look at so
it can’t be that bad can it? Can it??
was I – oh yes, the entrance to the Mother Ship……
the shuttles were boarded one by one and we were called
down into the cargo hold to get into our position for the
time warp through into another dimension!! Which is a rather
ridiculous way of telling you that we were about to cross
over into Francois…….hmmmmmm perhaps that is
in another dimension!!
Turn to Enter the Mother Ship’s Cargo Hold
on board the journey through time and space goes very quickly
and smoothly about almost nearly but not quite an hour from
boarding to leaving.
On Board the Mother Ship
suddenly the whole thing changes as we enter another world,
the language is different and this species of people are
friendly and treat us very well – and as we originate
from this strange world we are not surprised by the way
they treat us as one of their own.
It has not gone unnoticed that a French Barbet in Francois
by implication has some connection with the place……oh
I give in here. Do I have to explain everything? Good grief
and Duty Free
of course there are the usual administration things to go
through like passports and ‘pet passports’ and
of course when you hit the open road the ‘Toll’!!!
if you don’t have Le credit card and the system only
allows for cards then it is obvious that you do not drive
down that lane at the Toll, instead you should look for
the booths were you can pay by cash, but oh no not our Commander
AND if you don’t speak the language then the issue
I am sure that the Commander of the Starship Barbet is not
the only one without Le Credit card and so through sign
language, pointing at French Barbets on board Starship Barbet
and laughing along with the situation you eventually get
to be allowed onto the toll road. Merci!! Embarrassment
on we arrived at our encampment for the night.
have no idea where the Commander slept but for me and Spock
we had a fantastic bed arranged for us both!!
and Spock Enjoying OUR Bed!!
Anouk took this Shot Before Joining Me On OUR Bed
night before going off to sleep, we all went for a splendid
exploration and walkies around the encampment and you won’t
believe this but even on this planet they have food similar
to ours and the Commander headed for it as well. I think
what shocked us was that they called it by the same name
as we have on our planet – McDonalds!!!! Amazing
don’t have a picture of this as I think (and I’m
guessing here of course) that you may be familiar with such
Commander, Spock and me on an exploratory expedition to
the centre of food excellence that goes by the name of McDonalds……no
Mayo on my
Burger next time though
next day we all went off to the Exposition Canine Nationale
which as I understand it is where the Dilithium Crystals
are kept and in order to get one you have to be win –
and guess what peeps? I did as well and they happily gave
me a Dilithium Crystal – how cool is that
Then it was over to the vet (Aaarrrgggghhhhh) they have
those creatures here as well – “Spock”?
“Set phasers to stun” “these creatures
will stick needles in you to get information”
vet had to stamp the pet passports to allow us back into
our planet as it turned out and unfortunately we weren’t
able to use the phasers on the vet. They were so lucky this
so for the easy journey back to the hotel. Sorry, did I
say easy?? I meant to say here that it was rather a bowel
moving experience due to two things:
The Commander failed to set the Starship Barbet Navigational
Systems to “Hotel” and decided instead to follow
the lead of the Captain of the Klingon vessel who had parked
near to our Commander.
The Captain of the Klingon vessel (and he goes by the urf
name of Julian) decided to take a minor short cut back to
we are all aware of the devious and horrible Klingons aren’t
we? Oh yes, I hear you all shouting…..
Klingon (AKA Julian) missed out one tiny little thing with
with tram tracks on them are not necessarily good for the
health of your vehicle, nor the vehicles contents. And if
you are ahead of me here you will now be gasping in sheer
horror (because we sure as hell were) and you were not in
From inside our vehicle there was a strange smell that was
probably due to the fact that a tram was heading in our
direction AND this caused a chemical reaction in the bowel
region of someone close by!!!
for all readers of this: If you go to Francois for a canine
event, do not forget to use and switch on your Navigational
Systems AND Do NOT trust Klingons claiming they know a short
cut. You have been warned……..now where did I
put that air freshener
was only one thing to do apart from poo that is……….and
that was make a relaxed in a non panic kind of way straight
to the hotel and then onto to another McDonalds!! (Just
so you know? I got mine with no mayo this time) Merci
so too Day 2……
Exposition Canine Venue
here it is then, the home of the Dilithium Crystals. Many
humans, many from other planets as well and with their canines.
The vet is not in this shot because he saw we were carrying
our phasers that were set to stun. Actually there is no
one I know in this picture, man nor beast!!
Not sure then what this picture is for!!! ?
the second day here Spock got awarded a Dilithium Crystal
because she got Best Junior and rightly so as well being
my Number 2. Meanwhile I narrowly missed out on being CACS
because I came second to Hector, although I got another
Dilithium Crystal for being awarded an Excellent from the
Judge. But no complaints at all, it was great for the chat
and laughs we had, although that vet was lucky!!
I really liked was at the end all the UK Barbets got together
and under the spot lights and the music and colourful people
dressed up in the Main Honour Ring we were all paraded around
and introduced to the people – it was really good
fun and me and Spock loved it as did the others
so peeps we come almost nearly but not quite to the end
of this epic adventure…….
our Commander failed to switch back on our Navigational
Systems at the end of Day One and THAT Klingon nearly destroyed
us in a one sided tram argument – well guess what??
Our Commander failed to switch on our Navigational Systems
again on the way home and she also chose not to take any
notice of the VERY large blue road signs and it was only
on the road to Paris and Reims that our Commander realized
her mistake and some alleged 20 minutes later we were back
on track – non non not a tram track - been there,
done that and used up all the air freshener
arrived back in the Mother Ship Port to take us all back
to our planet, pet passports and all admin successfully
completed and then for a cup of tea and home.
on our planet the weather was still terrible and torrential
rain – but no trams!!
of the Starship Barbet
you just pity Martha and Hallie!!!
may the force be with you……oh no forget that
– that’s another movie!!!
the full Show Results visit the Barbet Club of Great Britain